You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
