I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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