I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
sex in a hospital.. check
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
