My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
