I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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