This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think my nap took me to another dimension
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
