You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
