I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
