My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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