Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
someone owes me an orgasm
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
