My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
