She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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