No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
