I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
