U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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