i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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