jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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