Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
