Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
