put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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