Kiss
Puke
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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