ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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