Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
