i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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