Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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