New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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