Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
