Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
