Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
