Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
