1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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