We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
