i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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