I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
