How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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