Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
