direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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