you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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