If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
