So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
