He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
