I'm jealous of your bromance
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
