Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
