I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
