My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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