he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
