U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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