five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
