so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
