you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
