so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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